


Rules of the Tower

by remnants_of_a_lost_dream



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Crack, M/M, Multi, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 09:21:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6900247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remnants_of_a_lost_dream/pseuds/remnants_of_a_lost_dream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The list is ever-growing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rules of the Tower

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is just crack.

The rule sheet of the tower is an item of mystery to the outside world. When outsiders see it, they turn around in question, but only get a smirk in response. It is an item of great hilarity to the Avengers, but all rules on the rule sheet must be obeyed. 

 

Rule #1:There will there be absolutely be no fucking whatsoever in any public areas of the tower. 

Surprisingly, the first rule is written in Steve’s looping print, and even more surprisingly, it actually turns into him that breaks the rule the most often. 

Steve Rogers walks into the gym, hands wrapped for some quality time with his punching bag. Instead, he sees Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton entangled with each other, spending some very quality time together, judging by the sounds they’re making. He jumps and makes a very not manly sound, and the couple are untangled in a flash, excuses at the ready.

“This is not what it seems like,” Natasha says at the same time Clint says, “It’s really none of your business what, or rather, who, I do in my off time. 

“I never said it was!” Steve valiantly protests, trying to use his hands to simultaneously express himself and cover his eyes. “But really, guys, the mats?”

 

Rule #2: There seriously will be absolutely no fucking whatsoever in any public areas of the tower, nooks and crannies included, even if you and your delusional partner think you can get away with it. Because really, folks, you can’t. Additionally, note that just because there’s a door on the space doesn’t mean that it’s a) private, and b) isn’t going to be used for its correct purpose anytime soon. 

“Okay, so you want the pasta sauce and the chocolate powder on the left side of this pantry?” Tony says to his phone as he approaches said pantry. “Got it."

He pulls open the door and immediately throws his hands up. “Holy shit! What are you guys doing? Wait, don’t answer that, I already know!”

Steve Rogers and Maria Hill had been frozen up to this point, but then Steve pulls out of Maria with a slick sliding sound that triggers Tony’s gag reflexes. “So I know what you’re thinking, but um--” 

“Don’t you dare tell me that it isn’t what it looks like, Captain no-fucking-in-public-spaces. There is food in this pantry. And people are--or rather, were, intending to eat it. What happened to rule number one, huh? Do chemical cleanses here before I bring in the big guns, please. And obey the fucking--er, damn rule sheet, please.” 

With that, Tony shuts the door and walks away, empty-handed. 

Rule #3: The “Science Bros” are no longer allowed to attempt to get Steve drunk.

“Hey, Pepper?” Steve calls. “Can you come here for a minute? There’s a… situation.”

Pepper walks into the lab already apologizing. “Steve, I am really sorry for whatever rude, crass, or stupid thing Tony has done…” She trails off when she sees a red-faced Tony hanging off of Steve’s shoulder and the sleeping form of Bruce on the ground. 

“Pep!” Tony slurs. “It’s so good to see you again, my cherry pie!” and somehow in the course of two sentences, he has managed to switch accents five times from American, to British, to Scottish, to German, to Russian, and finally ending on some obscure dialect of Chinese that none of them recognize, himself included. 

“Oh my god, I’m pretty sure I banned alcohol from the lab,” Pepper mutters. 

Steve looks so terribly abashed. “Well, they were trying to get me drunk, but, uh, somehow, this happened.” He winces. “Sorry,” he says again. 

“It’s fine, but please tell me you’ll do drunk duty with Bruce,” Pepper pleads.

The next day, Steve vows never to drink again.


End file.
